When should your toddle start deciding what he wants to do.

We all want our toddlers to become independent thinkers. This is something to strive for as a parent. You want them to be able to decide and to tell you what they really want to do. There are a couple of areas kids can decide on their own with no painful consequences.

1- Clothing, yes as painful as it is to see them mismatching their socks it shows their independence in thinking and they want to express themselves accordingly. I do believe if you are going some where special (church, weddings, grandmas house, picture,ect) you should do one of two things. Pick their outfit for them or give them two options "would you like to wear the blue shirt or green shirt?"

2- Eating, you can learn what your child preferences are and try asking him what he would like for a meal may save some stress for you in preparation. Start out with giving them two choices "would you like a hot dog or hamburger for dinner?" they feel like they have some control of their life with this small choice. It will help them be better eaters.

3- Friends, thy will start to have favorite play date friends around 2. You want them to have these friendships but remember to keep introducing them to other kids. By them knowing and playing with a lot of different kids they will adjust better to pre school. If they say they don't want to play with someone ask them why, if it is just a matter of "I don't want to" I would say keep the play date. If they say "he bits me or is mean to me" I would say address the problem at the next play date, keep an eye on the mean kid and if he is mean try to solve the problem. If it can't be solved no play dates with him would be suggested.

4- Activities, your toddler will have their own interest and activities that they like to got to but thy also need to be introduced to activities that will help them in school. Story times, swimming, gymnastic type classes (gymboree, My Gym, ect). These activities help them learn to follow instructions and listen to a teacher, it also helps them learn to interact with kids in a class environment. Somedays they may be very enthusiastic about their activities and other day not as much. On their days they say they don't want to go ask why. And just like they play date if they just say "because I don't want to" that is not a good reason and they may go and have a great time. If they say they don't want to go after a temperer tantrum take them, again they will most likely have a great time once they get there. I feel the only reason to skip is in the case of sickness.

Kids love to have their independence but it needs to be given slowly and within reason. By no means should your two year old be telling you how, what, or when to do things.

Will and Jada Smith and how they raise good kids, even in Hollywood

I have always been a big fan of Will and Jada Smith. They show the world you can be a celebrity and be good people and stay happily married AND raise good kids.

I have a lot of respect for them and the example they are to the world. They were recently on the Oprah show and they were asked about how they punish their children and this was what they said.

Quote from Oprah show

"Another common question among parents is what punishment looks like in the Smith home. "That's one of the really difficult struggles because we don't exactly believe in punishment, per se. We believe in restriction, that you can have as much freedom as you can handle," Will says. "You can cut your hair. You can put stuff on your wall. And as soon as you do something that is detrimental to yourself, and when you can't be trusted with your freedom, then you have to be pulled back. But it's not about punishing you for what you did???it's about protecting you from the potential damage that you could do to yourself."

This makes so much sense and I must say I will be something I practice from now on. Children need bounders and thy need to learn what they can handle but as parents you need to protect them from themselves sometimes.

Read more about the Smith families ideas, they have a lot of really great ways of raising their kids and how they work on their marriage.

Parks, helicopters and boo-boos

So many wonderful lessons are learned at the local park.

Children learn the art of sharing with unknown children and turning unknown children into friends for an afternoon and maybe longer. They learn peer conflict and resolutions, and peer pressure They also learn their physical boundaries and the human fact of getting hurt. The park is also a wonderful place for them to flex their imagination muscles along with every other muscle.

I have a few suggestion to help make the most of your park experience for everyone.

1- The park place for children to play and discover. Some parents feel they need to "help" their child along the way of discovering "how about we do the slide... Now let go swing... Let's go to the see-saw.... This... That... The other". Children have a very different sense of time. They could be happy to play on the see-saw for 30 minutes or two. Thy may want to do the same thing over and over again. Let them discover what they like to do in their time.

2- Children will also get hurt at the park. Even if you are right there next to them they could bump, scrap and even break some part of their body. We all have memories as a child hurting ourselves but we all lived. Please don't be a helicopter over your children. This will not keep them safer they will depend on you to help them do things and then not know how to do it by themselves later on and that is when they will get hurt. When you first start taking them to the park as young as 1.5 years give them some space and as they get more comfortable and confident let have more space. You will be amazed at what your child can do on their own.

If they do get hurt remember to remain calm, most tires come from thinking there is something really wrong with them when their parent flies at them screaming "oh my God are you okay?!?!?". Keep it calm and soft spoken " are you okay?"

3- keep an eye on them. Unfortunately the world isn't alway full of wonderful people. Their are people out there who may try to hurt or take your children. Keep an eye on your children and help others around you by keeping an eye on suspicious looking people. A helpful way to keep you child safe is to have them in a bold color or a hat that will stay on and stand out. Have a recent picture with you and take notes of those around you.

The park is wonderful. Let your children grow and discover their works of fun and you will be able to enjoy it with them.

Independence and Sticking With Choices

Independence is a wonderful thing for children. As young as 1 they want to do things on their own. You notice their independence more when they get a little older around 2 and 3. Independence should be encouraged. Let them put on their own cloths and shoes. Show them an easy way to put on their coat (put the coat on the floor face top of coat furthest away then have your child stick their hands in the sleeves and flip it over their head and they did it on their own!). Show them the proper way to brush their teeth and let them do it, And of course their is learning to go on the big kid potty (that's a post all on it's own). To help them with their independence plan things accordingly, it will most likely take three times as long to get their shoes on but they need to learn how to do it on theirs own. Plan ahead so they are not rushed. This will help them and help your sanity.

Let your child start making their own decisions I would only suggest two options at first. Example "would you rather go to the park or to the farm?" or "would you rather have peas or corn with your dinner?".

However you will notice that they can sometimes be indecisive and then they can flip flop on their answers "Farm! Park! Farm! Park!" help them make a choice and then stick with it. Especially for food if they choice peas and you make it then serve the and they then say corn, please do no go make corn. Simply and Nicely remind them they said thy wanted peas. Then you can suggest corn for another meal later. If they have a fit, let them, BUT don't give in. It will not help them and it will only drive you crazy, it will show them they just need to have a fit to get what they want.

Looking at the process at the beginning will seem endless and horrible, BUT if you let them do things on their own and hold them to their decisions in the long run you will have smart, independent, decisive children who can think for themselves and learn what they like and don't like.

Kids Testing Limits

Every parent knows what I am talking about and if you don't let me tell you what it means when a child tests there limits or bounders. A good example would be a two year old being told not to touch something and then with a mischievous smile they slowly reach out their hand to touch again. So you say "don't touch or you'll get a time out" and then... They touch it!! At this point you need to follow through with your threat just like in the earlier post rewards and threats you need to follow through. All children will test their limits at different points in their life 2 year old test a lo and if you want to prevent the future testing to be less and safer you need to nip it in the butt at an early age. They will most likely test when they start school also. They also test when things change in their lives such as a new home, nanny or parents marital or dating status.

Every time they test you want them to fail and you to pass.

Remember ***you want to teach and train them not them training and teaching you***.

You are never to busy to handle a small situation with your children. Make time to help your children learn there are limits. They will be safer and more respectful because of this lesson.

Good Sleeping Habits Start Young

We all want it and some parents have it and some don't. Some parents have to work on getting their children to sleep and others are just blessed with good kids that sleep without any extra help.

To the less fortunate parents I have a tip. It won't sound nice or loving but I have sleep trained many kids with this technic.

Let them cry it out. I know it sounds heartless and it kind of is but it is a sure way for you to get your sleep and your baby will learn how to self sooth, a very important skill for any child.

You can start this training as soon as you know your child can sleep threw the night, most children start around 4 or 5 months. Some parents feel more comfortable waiting until their child is older to take aggressive actions like this but I must say the soon the better and easier.

How you start is like anything with kids slowly take it away. It should take about a week of crying to get them to sleep on their own.

On the first night it will be filling out the situation if they start to cry go in and let them know you are there but don't pick them up. I they start to cry again you just let them cry. You know your child's cry, by now you will most likely know how their cry is sounds for food, board, tiered, hurt, ect. If they become historical (hyperventilating) you go and comfort them try not to pick them up. Keep doing this and slowly they will stop crying as long. If you keep your “checking” short and avoid picking them up they will learn to self sooth, and will cry out less and less. Give them something small to cuddle with that will be safe to keep in their crib, like one of those small 12” x 12” soft blanket and animal mix or with a "Taggie".

Each night after the first try going in less and less and after about 3 or 4 days of “checking” on them try not going in at all and see how they do. You will most likely be surprised at how fast they learn to go down by themselves.

This will help two part of sleeping problems.

~ Going to sleep on their own without you rocking or soothing them

~ When they wake in the middle of the night for no reason they can put themselves back to sleep with out you and without disturbing you.

It will be hard, I have seen many moms cry while their doing this but it is a worthy cause for your sleep. You will be a better parent if you get a good night sleep.

If you would like more information the best book I have found that supports this method is ‘Solve your child’s sleep problems, By Dr. Richard Ferber’.

Secret to diaper rash

All children will at some point have a bad diaper rash. I'm not talking about the little red butt kind. I'm talking about the big red, bumpy, sometimes bloody diaper rash that breaks your heart every time you change them.

The solution is simple it is a little time consuming but I works every time.

1-Start by changing often this not only prevents but it helps heal faster. Change after one or two pees and ASAP after poop.

2- make a warm tub of water your child can sit in and add 2 packs of 'Domenoro' it is a astringent solution. Let them sock in the mix for 30 minutes.

3- air and towel dry. Try to let them go without a diaper as long as your time allows, the longer the better. I let them play with some sweat pants on with no diaper.

4- desitin and lots of it. After you've dried them off and it's time to put diapers back on put desitin on their rash and I mean came it on like frosting, don't be shy about using to much, for a few times a day thy need a lot of desitin to help them heal. Once the rash is starting to get better you can use less desitin.

If you do these things a few times a day or at least in the morning and night their rash will get better.

Happy Hinnies!